I have been sick for the last couple weeks with a head cold, and then bronchitis. I’m also having some sciatic pain. So my experience may not have been as relaxing as if i were in good health. I lit my incense and sat down in front of my computer with my legs crossed, hands relaxed in my lap, earbuds in. Then I sat waiting…waiting…waiting. I opened my eyes to make sure that I had pushed play—I in fact did push play. More than a minute went by and I couldn’t help but think about if my headphones weren’t working. So, I sat and watched the picture change colors in the video, still waiting and wondering what I was supposed to be doing. Finally i hear a voice. It’s faint, so I turn the volume up. I was then led in counting backwards from 10 and repeating sentences. Such as: “My whole body is relaxed.” and “I am so relaxed that I can not feel the weight of my body.”
By the time I was to repeat those sentences we were at number 6 and 5. I didn’t feel too relaxed, I don’t think I felt relaxed at all. My arms started to feel a little weightless, but other than that I didn’t really think I was getting to an alpha state of relaxation. I kept being brought back to the pain in my leg, my runny nose, and pain in my chest…hence the reason why I didn’t add a picture of me meditating!
I was a little bit let down by the experience that I had. I was fully anticipating falling asleep sitting here listening to the recording…as I usually do when listening to something. I found it difficult to know what I was supposed to be doing with my body and that was frustrating me and adding to my discomfort. I couldn’t get relaxed enough to stop moving around. I could see an aura but it was radiating from my left hip because of the sciatica. It left me very distracted. I was unable to block it out and completely focus on the task at hand. I couldn’t tell what color the aura was, it was a mixture of reds and purples. I’m not sure what that means as I don’t have experience with auras and haven’t studied them. Nor have I ever seen them, so that was a new experience for me.
I think next time I will play some music in the background. I think it was the silence between guided readings that made me uneasy and feeling like I had to fill the void. I also think that I will try this meditation again in the morning (it was 10:30pm when I did this meditation). Along with changing the time, I think I will do this while still laying in bed. I will also try a different incense. Over all, I think it was a good trial run. I was able to see what I would like to change next time. I will be doing this same guided meditation two more times to see if I can achieve alpha relaxation.
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